Applying The Secret To Relationships

by Juan
(New Hampshire)

My wife recently left me and told me that she couldn't be married to me anymore. A few days later I started to read The Secret. After reading the book and watching the movie, I put The Secret to use everyday including gratitude, a vision board and visualization.


I was recently drawn to your website and read how The Secret cannot be used to "bring my wife back to me."

This was somewhat disheartening to hear, although it did fall in line with the feeling growing inside me, that if I want her back, I have to let her go and make myself the best person I can be.

My question has to do with visualization and what I've asked for, rec'd and believe in.

I have been visualizing staying and living in my current house with my two boys and my wife. I have also visualized and made Mind Movies of me coming home to my wife in the kitchen, waiting for me, and my boys running up to me. Amongst other things that include my wife and boys.

I have changed my attitude and thoughts from pessimistic to optimistic and am truly giving thanks everyday for everything I have, and everyone I meet.

Prior to reading your website my intention was to use The Secret to save my marriage and help restore my relationship with my wife.

If my dream is to stay in my current house with my two boys regardless of the state of my marriage, how can I apply The Secret to that end?

Law-of-Attraction-Guide Reply

To set the record straight, I have never said that you cannot reconcile a marriage by using the Law of Attraction. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.

But what I have said is this,….

You cannot manifest in another’s reality, by adjusting your thoughts and feelings

The Law of Attraction will align events in your life that match your predominant thoughts and feelings. So adjusting your thoughts and feelings can only manifest a change in events in your life.

Of course, a change in your life experience will cause a change in the experience of another, but that change that they experience, must match their thoughts, not yours.

They must be a cooperative part of the whole manifestation process.

You cannot change someone’s behaviour, by focusing on behaviour unwanted.

The Law of Attraction will align events in your life that match your predominant thoughts and feelings. So by focusing your thoughts and feelings on behaviour unwanted, can only manifest unwanted behaviour.

Of course, someone offering you unwanted behaviour, may be viewed as someone who has changed the way they act, but that change must match their thoughts, so that they can manifest a match to your energy.

They must be a cooperative part of the whole manifestation process.

You cannot change someone’s behaviour, by focusing on a ‘need’ for change.

The Law of Attraction will align events in your life that match your predominant thoughts and feelings. So by focusing your thoughts and feelings on a ‘need’ for something, can only manifest a greater feeling of ‘need’.

You see, everything must be in harmony. Everything must match, in order for all focused thoughts and feelings to be manifested.

So how can you reconcile a marriage by using the Law of Attraction?

If everything must be in harmony, so that all focused thoughts and feelings can be manifested. Doesn’t it make sense that if you only thought and felt about the ‘wanted’ behaviour of another, then the other, as long as they were able to match your energy, would have to manifest this wanted experience.

This is the part of The Secret that so many people miss.

Lee Brower talks about this in The Secret when he tells the story of the Gratitude Rock. Many people don’t really understand the process of this, but it works in exactly the same way as I have pointed out.

If you only thought and felt about the ‘wanted’ behaviour of another, or the parts of them that you were grateful for, then the other, as long as they were able to match your energy, would have to manifest more things for you to feel grateful about.

However, I must point something out here…

This is not a definitive formula for ‘getting what you want’ out of a relationship, because there is one sticking point.

They must be a cooperative part of the whole manifestation process.

They must be able to match your energy, and this is the one thing that is out of your control.

But assuming that they have matched your good energy in the past, and you have manifested happy times in the past, it must be possible for you to find harmony again.

If they cannot match your positive energy, and manifest the good things that you are focusing on, they will leave your experience altogether, as two opposing energies cannot exist at the same place.

So on now to your question about applying The Secret to stay in your current house.

Well to be honest, you adopt a similar process, you focus on the desire you most wish for, decide that that is the experience that you shall manifest, and adopt an attitude of gratitude, as if that experience already existed.

Do not focus on the ‘need’ to be there, as that shall manifest more reasons to feel need.

Do not focus on the ‘want’ to be there, as that shall manifest more reasons to feel want.

Do not focus on the ‘obstacles’ of being there, as that shall manifest more obstacles to overcome.

Simply be there, and think and feel the gratitude of that future experience, now.

If you have any thoughts, or if anyone has any thoughts, please join in and add a comment below…


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Comments for Applying The Secret To Relationships

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Aug 18, 2010
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one more question
by: Anonymous

hi..

u just said that we shouldn't focus on the "want" and "need" .. how can I do this if the whole concept is about what I want or need? how can I differentiate between wanting something and attracting it??

Nov 20, 2010
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Fixing a Marriage
by: Anonymous

This was such great advice for me. I have watched the Secret at least 3 times a week for the last 4 weeks, as I am dealing with a marriage in crisis. I have applied the attitude of gratitude, but now I have a better understanding for eliminating the feelings of "need" and "want".

Dec 27, 2010
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My love life is back :)
by: Siv Ram

Wow its really a wonderful solution for my problem right now i was facing in my love-life...

Now I understand wat i hv to do to gain my love life back... Really thanks a lot

Now i hv understand t importance to eliminate t want and need thoughts... And applying t gratitudeness.

Mar 08, 2011
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Totally illogical... desire equals need and want!
by: Verite

Dear John (Peace),

What you write about seems totally illogical to me... you tell us not to focus on the "need" or the "want" but to focus on the "desire". But isn't a desire also a need and/or a want? For instance, the Oxford English Dictionary's definition of "desire" is "a strong want".

Furthermore, if you focus your thoughts on a desire, that necessarily means that you also have the want and usually also the need. For example, if you think that you desire a new car, you also have a want and a need for that car. In reality, all 3 words have the same general meaning.

So, to be honest, after careful thought, what you say makes no sense. Even if you try to meditate purely on what you desire, you will necessarily have the want or need for that desire!

Mar 08, 2011
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Law-of-Attraction-Guide Reply
by: John Peace

Our vibration as I refer to it, is made up of our predominant thoughts and feelings, and as a Law, the corresponding reality is brought to our experience as a match to our vibration.

For example.

If you vibrate fear and worry about money, a reality that brings money fears and worries is attracted to you. On the other hand, if you vibrate abundance and extravagance about money, a reality that brings money abundance and extravagance is attracted to you.

Therefore, if you have a reality that you do not desire, it must follow that you have a vibration that matches the reality you don?t want.

If this is the case, if you wish to change an unwanted experience, it must follow that you must change your vibration.

And as our reality will always be a match to our vibration, it must also follow that if we matched the thoughts and feelings of having our desires now, the reality that follows must include the things we desire.

So when I say not to want or need, I do not mean that you must stop wanting or needing anything, I am saying that you must not make these feelings your strongest vibration.

This is because your thoughts and feelings that do not match the reality of having your desires now, must lead you to an experience that includes not having these things.

What is important is this?

For as long as your predominant thoughts and feelings match the lack of the things you want, need or desire, so shall your reality, and for as much as you change your thoughts and feelings, to match your thoughts and feelings as if your desires already existed, so shall your efforts be reflected in your reality.

Feb 28, 2017
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Help NEW
by: Anonymous

Hi
I found this arrival most helpful, I listened to the law of attraction and used it to prevent all my own insecurities and anxieties. However my husbands didi not change and neither did his behaviour. He says he wants me and loves me. Do you have any tips for partners to manifest together?

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