Attracting A New Partner

by BC
(U.S.)

I am a married woman with children and have been very unhappy in my relationship for quite some time. I have been contemplating leaving for the past 7 or 8 years of my 13-year marriage. At first, I did not leave because I did not want to hurt my husband or my children. At a later time, I was more mentally and emotionally ready to leave, but did not have the financial resources. Then, I started second-guessing my feelings for wanting to leave my marriage because not only was I discouraged by my family (and my husband's), but I was raised to believe that divorce is a sin. I tried to accept the fact that I made a decision to marry and I had to live with it, regardless of whether I was happy or fulfilled.


To give you some background, I have expressed my concerns and unhappiness to my husband on several occasions over the years. However, his behaviors will change for a little bit, but he always reverts back to his true self. I do not wish to change him, and I know that I cannot.

Even when my husband is trying to be on his best behavior after one of our talks, it feels so fake. Like I'm interacting with a fake person. So even though he may be acting in a way that I prefer, his improved behavior still bothers me because I know it's not genuine and that he is just using behavior modification as a band-aid fix so I won't leave.

However, I do want to add that I am not trying to badmouth my husband or blame him for the erosion of our marriage because I believe we have both contributed to our marriage's breakdown. It's just that I feel we are in a different vibration.

Recently, though, I've been trying to use the LOA to attract a new partner. Attracting a new partner is my main focus, but I have also been trying to attract other things such as improved relationships, more money, and abundance. With regard to attracting a new partner, there is no specific person that I want to be in a relationship with, but I am very clear about the qualities and characteristics of my "perfect partner". I have even created a list of his qualities, personality traits, and characteristics that I update and review often. My list even includes pictures of what my ideal relationship feels like to me. During most of my day and when I lay down to go to sleep, I visualize and feel what it would be like to be with my perfect partner. I can do this for several days in a row--sometimes even a couple of weeks. Other times, however, I have a hard time visualizing and feeling the feelings of being in my ideal relationship with my perfect partner. This difficulty can last a few days or even a week.

So, my questions are these:

1. One of the items on my "Perfect Partner" list is that he is single when we meet. I do not wish to be the cause of the ending of another relationship. Also, on my list is an item that reads "I am living apart from my husband when we meet". I have deleted and re-added the requirement that I am living apart from husband more than once. Truly, I do not want to leave my husband for another man. I want to be on my own and then find my perfect partner. However, I feel like that will take time that I don't want to wait for so I delete that entry. I vacillate back and forth over this issue. My question is how do the Laws of Attraction and Karma work together? In other words, if I leave my husband for a man (as opposed to leaving first and then finding another man), does that put a cloud of bad karma on my new relationship? Or, assume I leave my husband for another man, but only feel positive feelings about my new relationship, will only having positive feelings keep negative karma away? (I hope I am asking this question in a way that makes sense.)

2. When I visualize and feel the feelings of being in my ideal relationship with my perfect partner, some of those images and feelings are sexual in nature. But, there have been occasions when my husband starts to display those sexual qualities. Am I attracting what I want but from the "wrong" person?

3. One of the Law of Attraction tools I have been using is gratitude. I have been using it to improve relationships and to just be plain grateful for what and who I have now. That includes my husband. When I practice gratitude for his qualities that I appreciate, does that mean I am contradicting my LOA efforts to attract my perfect partner?

I am so confused and could really use a hand here :) I guess I am just struggling with using the LOA and the beliefs I was raised with. Hopefully, you can provide some guidance :) Thank you!

Law-of-Attraction-Guide Reply

You attract to your experience a match to your focused thoughts and feelings, regardless of whether or not you want that experience, and regardless of whether or not you are aware of how this process works.

This means that the experiences you have, only exist as a part of your reality because they match the way you think and feel. Which in turn means that your husband and his behavior are aligned to you because of what you think and feel about your husband and his behavior.

What worries me about your situation is that you fail to own your emotions, you made a decision to marry regardless of your happiness and fulfillment, and you talk to your husband about his shortfalls in order for him to change and make you feel better. You are trying to make your happiness the result of a condition in your reality, but as the Law of Attraction aligns a match to your thoughts and feelings, if you do not feel happiness, it cannot align to you, no matter how much you try and change things.

To understand the way the Law of Attraction works, think of it as a Law of Harmony, and as a result of our thoughts and feelings, or our vibration, we align to experiences that harmonize with us.

Passionate people align to circumstances that are in harmony their excitement, loving people align to situations that are in harmony with their affection, poor people align to experiences that are in harmony with their lack, and unhappy, unfulfilled people align to a reality that is in harmony with their sadness and emptiness.

If you were feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, and as a result of your vibration you aligned to a relationship that was in harmony with your sadness and emptiness, it seems a bit odd that you blame the relationship for the experience you are having?

But this is not unusual, and I would guess that the majority of people who were faced with an experience that displeased them, would look to change the experience, not their thoughts about it.

In all honesty, to not try to alter your reality will always be counter productive. This is because as you feel the need to change something, you must include it in the way you think and feel, and as we have seen, when you think and feel something, you vibrate it, so that more things that harmonize and come along and displease you.

Understand that happiness is a state of mind, not a state of circumstances, and for as long as you vibrate happiness within, you shall align to happy circumstances with out.

With the Law of Attraction in mind, and with the understanding that thought creates experiences, I will do my best to answer the questions you have highlighted.

1. The only cause of any experience is thought and feeling, or the way we vibrate. When we think we align to experiences, through the Law of Attraction, a match our way of thinking. Karma is not Law and is not a cause of an experience. However is we believe in Karma, our belief makes up our thought, and as we think a thing, so must it become a part of our experience. The power of Karma is actually your belief, not Karma itself, and if you believe something, so powerful is that thought that the Law of Attraction will align experiences to help you continue to believe.

2. When you visualize your perfect relationship, it is not the perfect partner that you are aligning, it is the perfect match to the way you are vibrating about this imagined relationship. So it is hardly surprising that the best cooperating match to the way you have been thinking and feeling about the sexual part of this visualization is in fact, your husband. After all, he has been cooperating with your unhappy and unfulfilled vibration for a long time, and any shift in what you are thinking and feeling will undoubtedly cause a shift in how he cooperates with you.

3. Finally, feeling positive for the positive qualities of your husband in no way contradicts your efforts to attract the perfect partner, but it does give him the opportunity to cooperate with your thoughts, and manifest to you the perfection you are aligning too.

I guess the answer to your question is a question…..

Do you want to manifest the best cooperating person to your reality as the perfect match to the perfect relationship you desire. Or do you want to leave your husband, because these things are so far apart.

If you wish to be in the perfect relationship, focus your thoughts and feelings to that reality as if it already existed, and through the Law of Attraction, the perfect relationship will be found. However, you must accept that you do not control the source for this cooperating experience, and if your husband can match the perfection you desire, he shall.

Yes it is true that you cannot change another with the Law of Attraction, but you can define what you align to, and as you do, you can attract the people, or the aspects of people that help you to feel good.

By choosing your thoughts and feelings, you choose your experiences, and through your choice of what you like most you give others the opportunity to, either stay and cooperate with your best of vibration, or leave and take their uncooperating way of being with them.

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