Help My Husband To Spend His Time Productively

My husband and I have known each other for many years. We got married 3 months back. He finds it difficult to structure his time productively when not on a job. So for him, weekends are lazy, watching TV endlessly, or sleeping. I am busy with an upcoming exam. I want him either to work on his study, his future plans or go out and have fun with other friends. But...he does not.


I get angry, suppress the anger, wait ...and then start the discussion about it.

Eventually, I end up crying and he ends up withdrawing. For him its not a THAT big an issue. For me, it’s a threat to his personal growth, as I have seen him getting drowned in inertia in the past, which had affected his life a lot.

I have realised that my accusations, tears just tell the message that he is not good enough and that’s why he just withdraws from the discussion. He has told me not to make it THAT big an issue, and that he will try to improve.

I know what I should stop doing. But I don’t know how to help him improve. It will need lot of patience and on some days like above I don’t have any. So the cycle repeats.

Please help.

Law-of-Attraction-Guide Reply

The Law of Attraction brings to us our experiences, based on our vibration, and our vibration is made up of our thoughts and feelings. So whatever you think and whatever you feel, shall become your experience, whether you want it or not.

It is a pointless exercise to try and change your experiences, without changing your thoughts and feeling, for as strongly as you push against an unwanted reality, that unwanted reality, pushes back just as much.

You create your reality, and whatever you offer as a vibration, becomes your reality.

There is no way that you can change your husbands behaviour, unless you change your thoughts and feelings, and as much as you push him, he has little choice, but to push back.

Let me try to explain what I mean….

The Law of Attraction brings to you your experiences, based on your vibration. Your vibration is made up of your thoughts and feelings, and whatever you think, and whatever you feel, shall become your experience, whether you want it or not.

So what is your vibration on the subject of your husband’s behaviour?

“He finds it difficult to structure his time productively…”

“For him, weekends are lazy, watching TV endlessly, or sleeping...”

“I want him to work on his study, his future plans or go out and have fun with other friends. But...he does not….”

“I get angry, suppress the anger, wait ...and then start the discussion about it…”

“I end up crying and he ends up withdrawing...”

“It’s a threat to his personal growth.”

“My accusations, tears just tell the message that he is not good enough…”

“He just withdraws from the discussion...”

Now if these are the thoughts and feelings that make up your vibration, your husband has a subconscious choice to make, either stay in your experience and be a match to your vibration, or leave your experience because he cannot be a match.

Now you may try to tell me that you are only telling me about your experience, and that your husband began to behave this way before you began to think and feel this way.

Ok, I agree it may seem this way, but just remember, none of this happened overnight.

This has been a gradual process, a process by which your husband offered a behaviour, and as a result, you offered both thought and feeling, you made this ‘unwanted behaviour’ a part of your vibration, which then gave your husband the choice, match the vibration you are offering with more unwanted behaviour, or get out of the experience. I guessed he matched your vibration.

That then left you with more unwanted behaviour, so you reacted by thinking and feeling more about it, which then gave your husband more choice, match the vibration you or offering with even more unwanted behaviour, or get out of the experience. I guessed he matched your vibration.

That then left you with even more unwanted behaviour, so you reacted by thinking and feeling even more about it, which then gave your husband even more choice, match the vibration you or offering with more and more unwanted behaviour, or get out of the experience. I guessed he matched your vibration.

I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

It is, and always will be the case that whatever you vibrate shall become your experience, therefore if you wish to change your experience, you must change your vibration.

Changing the way you think and feel about a subject that is so prevalent in your reality is no easy thing, but if you wish to change your experiences, it is well worth the effort.

You need to align yourself to the very best of your husband, the very best thoughts about him, the very best things he does and the very best way he makes you feel.

You need to un-align yourself to the worst of him, you need to ignore, blank off, think no more and feel no more about any unwanted pattern of behaviour, that he offers.

You need to think and feel the very best of this relationship, you need to vibrate at a place that matches all you desires, which will then give your husband a choice, either match the vibration you or offering, or get out of the experience.

My guess is, that he’ll become a perfect match.


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Comments for Help My Husband To Spend His Time Productively

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Apr 22, 2010
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You explained it so well
by: The person who asked this question

Hi John,

You explained this process of husband offering a behaviour - wife offering thought and feelings to that behaviour - husband subconsciously opting to match her vibrations created by those thoughts and feelings. Terrific!!

I have known this concept in another form as I read it in "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex". I have read "The Secret" too. I knew the concept of LOA in relationships.... But the way you have put it here feels so RIGHT.. Its kind of an "Eureka!!" moment..

Thank you so much!!

Feb 27, 2011
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Who's matching who's vibration?
by: Anonymous


Your comment is telling her that SHE is creating a vibration that HE has chosen to match. Why is it that you think SHE was the one who created the vibration? Perhaps HE created the vibration & SHE in turn was matching up with him. Her response to HIS created vibration was discomfort & stress.

I believe in LOA but I don't think you can pick one person in the room as CREATOR of the vibrations in a room where there is more than one person present.

Feb 28, 2011
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Law-of-Attraction-Guide
by: John Peace

We are all creators, and we all have a vibration. It is this vibration that aligns our reality. If you have an unwanted experience, or a wanted experience, that experience can only be there as a match to your own vibration. That is Law.

If you wish to change an experience, change your vibration towards it, and through Law the experience has to change.

Mar 05, 2011
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Myexperience
by: The person who asked this question

It's been almost one year that I had asked the original question above on this site. The comment by another reader has stimulated me to write back my experience.

I followed John's advice for some time and within a month things started becoming positive. My husband became more active and productive and aware of himself. He also started to work on a professional exam and was really regular in his schedule.

After 2-3 months, things became downhill again; and I became negative too, though not as much as before. My search for happiness, this time, took me to one resource that John has mentioned on his site - Abraham-Hicks. Listening to their videos I became motivated again for an attitude change. And again things have started becoming happier and sweet in our married life.

Personally, I have started experiencing a lot of carefree moments and I, kind of, feel an expansion within me. I am enjoying life more fully now and feel so much fulfilled!:):)

Thanks for everything!!

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