How To Tell Him

by Mary
(Ohio)

If I write down the qualities of my ideal mate, he would have everything on the list and more. I met him last winter, after I ended a relationship and decided how my next relationship would be.


As you may imagine, I was very excited when I met him. However, I think I was influenced by a girlfriend-who from the start kept saying that he was not doing enough. He should have asked you out right after you met him, he should have come to your office, bla bla. My advice to everyone, never share good things with people who keep pointing out how it is not good enough for you.

It has been months. We sometimes see each other. Once he asked me to have coffee in the evening. I liked him more that night. I was excited about what will happen next.

Well, it just got stuck. We are now in this friendship with a sexual tension zone. Some texting, some chatting if we run into each other.

Another thing is, I am leaving in 8 weeks for a 1-year-placement in another state. After that one year, I can come back, if there is something that is waiting for me-like a promising relationship. Otherwise, I don’t have family or any other tie here. He knows when I am leaving and that might be a factor for this state.

To sum, he did things that my friend predicted he would never, (because he did not do them fast enough for her-e.g. “if he did not ask your number until now, he never will,” but he did, weeks later). Now I realize how my focus on what is not good enough affected the outcome.

I have been watching Wayne Dyer’s DVD’s for the past few days. I now have the desire to express my feelings for him. I want to say:

“I like you. You are handsome, bright, and passionate. Thank you because before I met you, I was wondering whether I could ever be attracted to someone like I did to you. That is the only reason I am writing this. I do not expect any response in return. This is not to ask for a date. I wish that your life would be full of love.”

See sometimes I do things because I feel like doing so, but they are not understood as they meant to be. That is why I keep asking my friend’s opinions. I asked a male friend’s opinion about the statement about liking him. The funny thing is, he just could not get the idea of saying these for just expressing my liking. He kept saying, “but you want him to respond, right? You just want to give him a chance to ignore it, if he wants to…” Simple things can be very hard to explain.

Before, I was thinking about telling him, “I want to spend more time with you before I leave. Not like dating. Let’s just get to know each other and see where it goes.” I, again, contemplated on this with friends, who just confused me more and made me think that even if I say what is on my mind-directly, the other person will hear it differently.

I read other posts about attracting a specific person. I believe what I can do is to list the things I like about him, and write a statement that says that I acknowledge that my actions (due to frustration) might have given mixed signals to him. And I should forgive myself. And I will consciously bring the feeling of having a person like him, like I did before I met him (though he has these qualities- I will not think specifically him). Would it hurt to fantasize about him as long as it creates nice feelings?

Do you think I might bring back the harmony with him even in 8 weeks?

When should I express my liking? Now or after I leave-so that it is clear that I am doing it for selfless reasons?

If I will tell him this, I want to in a way that is agreeable with law of attraction. That is, I want to feel good about what I did regardless of the outcome.

He is a very, very nice person with the most beautiful heart I have ever seen. I am not concerned about him being mean to me or anything like that. I am concerned about him feeling guilty about not wanting to respond me the same way and feeling awkward around me.

Writing these, I cannot believe I am letting someone like him to slide through my hands. But I try not to be hard on myself. And feel grateful about feeling what I felt when he looked at me with adoration. It was like a blind seeing the light for a few seconds. Now, at least I know, what the light feels like.

Law-of-Attraction-Guide Reply

The Law of Attraction responds to your most focused thoughts and feelings. That is, what you think about most and feel about most, becomes your reality.

I would often describe this by saying, “your vibration causes your experience.” And by vibration I mean your focused thoughts and feelings.

So how does this work?

When you think a thought for long enough, it becomes a focused thought, and as a focused thought it officers a certain vibration. It is this vibration that enables your reality to be molded, by the alignment of circumstance, events and people are a match to your vibration.

I am not saying that you are aligned to circumstances, events and people that have the same vibration as you, but you are aligned to circumstances, events and people that continue to make you vibrate in the same way.

This is easy to see when you think about someone whose life is in financial turmoil. It is clear that someone like this would focus much of their time and energy on being out of debt, but because the cause of this focus is the reality of debt, what often happens, as their attempts to get out of debt take time, they feel the frustration as they want so desperately to change their reality.

In this situation people become aligned to circumstances, events and people that continue to make them vibrate in the same way, and as their over-riding vibration is frustration and desperation towards money, they manifest further financial circumstances to feel frustrated and desperate.

The same could also be said of someone who is lonely, it is clear that someone like this would focus much of their time and energy on being with someone, but because the cause of this focus is being alone, what often happens, as their attempts to get into a relationship take time, they feel the frustration as they want so desperately to change their reality.

And, as these people become aligned to circumstances, events and people that continue to make them vibrate in the same way, and as their over-riding vibration towards relationships is frustration and desperation, they manifest further romantic circumstances to feel frustrated and desperate.

Reading these two examples kind of gives the impression that it is almost impossible to change from an unwanted reality to a wanted reality, and to an extent, the ease of changing from one thing to another depends solely upon the way you predominantly think.

If you are wrapped up in what you do not have and you spend a lot of time in fear, worry, disappointment, frustration or desperation about what is now, no amount of focusing on your desires can ever align them your experience. But if you spend little energy on what you do not have, other than gratefulness towards what is now, and feel optimistic, hopeful and eager about what is to come, your desires can manifest very quickly.

This is why I would recommend to anyone, that the very first step they must take to move towards their desires, would be to, at first, accept where they are now.

So, assuming that when you first decided on how your next relationship would be, that you were spending little energy on what you did not have, other than gratefulness towards what was then, and you were feeling optimistic, hopeful and eager about what was coming, what is your next step?

This next step is one of the biggest misunderstandings of the Law of Attraction. This Law is not some magic spell that gives us everything we desire, it is a scientific lining up of vibration, but as much as we are lined up to what we think about, it absolutely depends on our actions.

It seems that you have been so cautious about not focusing upon a specific person, that this person, who is now specific because he has been aligned to your experience as a result of what you were vibrating, is about to slip out of your reality.

Forget your friends, forget the opinions of others, this action you have been wanting to take is your choice, based on your desires, and it has been contemplated and molded by you.

You have thought about what you want to say because you want to say it, and it obviously feels like the right and only action you wish to take.

Is what you wish to say the right thing to say?

Unfortunately you are the only one who can answer that, but judging from the way you have thought about this, it seems like a logical and natural thing to do.

To be honest, you absolutely have no choice….

If you do not, then you will regret it, and he will definitely slip through your hands. If you do, you will have been honest with yourself and with him, and no matter what the outcome, you will know.

If you have any thoughts, or if anyone has any thoughts, please join in and add a comment below…


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John Peace
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Comments for How To Tell Him

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May 03, 2011
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when to be specific
by: mary

Thank you for your encouraging reply. I will take an action. And I know I have to be patient while I am absorbing the information about LOA. However, I am still confused about what to do in the short run. Should I picture him to manifest a good relationship or think about it a man with no-face yet? It is easier to think about him because it is easily a specific image. I think I am managing to focus on gratitude because it feels good. Of course sometimes I have fear about losing this chance but I quickly redirect my attention.
Should I visualize him to create good feelings or not? Thank you...

May 09, 2011
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Visualization
by: John Peace

Visualization is an important tool to apply the Law of Attraction to your life, however, as with all tools and techniques, it does have its limits.

The problem I have with using visualization is this?.

If you are receiving an unwanted experience, and you visualize for say 15 minutes a day, imagining and feeling your desired experience. But as soon as you have visualized you go back to emotionally dealing with your now unwanted experience, your visualization exercise has been pretty useless.

The Law of Attraction will always match your experiences with your predominant thoughts, and if you think about your unwanted reality all day, and visualize for just 15 minutes, your predominant thought is bound to be the thought about the unwanted experience.

As a first exercise it would be much better if you were to get into the good feeling of your now experience, so that your thoughts and feelings were not over occupied by the unwanted things in your life, but focused on the things you like best about your life.

Once you have mastered aligning to the wanted things in your life, and are able to turn off your emotions and thought to the unwanted things in your life, then it would be a good time to introduce a visualization exercise.

Of course, if your life was pretty much as you wanted it, and you had predominately good thoughts and feelings about your experience, and no fears or worries, then you will find visualization a really powerful and helpful tool.

Another point to make here is that visualization as you have been practicing, is a form of ?asking?, and to be honest, the asking stage of applying the Law of Attraction, is already taken care of. And as I discussed in the first part of the question, the ?action? stage is where you are at the moment.

And as soon as you take action, the circle will be complete.



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