Keeping Someone You Attracted

by Audrey

I've been studying law of attraction for over a year now and finally was able to manifest the ideal partner for me. Now I find myself in old repetitive relationship patterns (and thoughts) that have nothing to do with the man I am with now. When he talks (usually about serious topics) I don't hear what he is saying, I hear what past failed relationship boyfriends have said.

I understand that if I focus on the negative thoughts my mind conjures up, then that is what will happen. So I my question do I stop or get rid of the old habit of thought before I loose him?

I find that I am able to recognize that the thoughts I am having have nothing to do what he said or meant to say, but my reaction comes from the thoughts in my head. I can't seem to control it. Now that we are getting more and more close it is getting harder and harder for me to hide from him. I want these thoughts to go away, I want to believe that he does love me and won't do anything to hurt me, but I can't seem to let go of the past pain/hurts.

Is this something that just takes time to get over? I've read Eckhart Tolle's The power of NOW and have been trying to stay present as much as possible, but that fear is all consuming. I find that I have to take a day or two before I respond to him about any serious topic. If I respond right away, it comes from a very bad place, but if I wait a day or so I can think more clearly and see what he was really trying to say (without my mind's negative filter).

Do I need to analyse and bring up old childhood memories to relapse this fear? I thought I worked through most of these insecurities throughout numerous failed attempts at relationships this year, but now that I found someone I really care about and can see myself with for a very long time, I am scared these thoughts are going to cause me to push him away. I know that fear contradicts what I am trying to do with law of attraction, but I don't know how to get rid of it. I don't even understand where it comes from. I am very successful in all areas of my life, but seem to have this hang up when it comes to romantic relationships.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Law-of-Attraction-Guide Reply


It is so good to hear from someone who has had so much positive stuff going on, and it is so good that you are aware of these thoughts, and what they can bring.

It seems that you are following old patterns based on passed experiences, which as you are aware, will lead you to a similar outcome.

There is a great clip in the film The Secret which may help you with the answer, it goes something like this.....

“Sometimes people will say, ‘those people at work are so negative,’ or ‘the man I live with is so angry,’ or ‘my children are so worrisome to me,’ and we say, ‘you must orient yourself to the best part of those people who surround you.’

‘We encourage that you get a notebook and you make a list of the positive aspects of the people you spend a lot of time with.’

There could be someone that you have a terrible experience with, a terrible relationship with. And in the privacy of your own mind, and with quite a bit of work we will admit, as you focus on things that you like most, those people will become that mostly to you.

And even though you cannot create in their reality, if they are in a mood, or an attitude that doesn’t match the mood and attitude that you have about them, they’ll zig, while you zag.

Law of Attraction will not put you in the same space together, your frequencies don’t match up.

If you knew your potential to feel good, you would ask no one to be different, so that you can feel good. You would free yourself of all that cumbersome impossibility, of needing to control the world, or control your mate, or control your child.

You are the only one who creates your reality, for no one else can think for you, no one else can do it, it is only you, every bit of it you”

This is sound advice, because as you focus on the positive aspects of your partner, the more those positive aspects, will manifest.

I admit that this may not be instantaneous, but by writing a list of your all the positive things you love about this person, and setting some time aside to visualize these positive aspects in action, you will gain the tools needed to deal with the negative emotions, as soon as they arise.

You see, your negative thoughts will not exist when you have a positive thought in mind, and as you are aware of these negative thoughts, the best course of action will be to ‘forget’ them, in other words, ‘get something for them.’

And the best thing you can get for a negative thought, is a positive thought, and of course you will have plenty of these to hand.

EFT is another easy to use technique, and can be used to tackle emotional issues, and limiting beliefs like these. Here’s a short film from, giving a brief introduction to EFT.

Introduction To EFT

To learn the EFT Tapping sequence you can download a free eBook by simply filling out your name and email address on the left hand side of the The Tapping Solution Website.

Another great technique is called The Sedona Method.

Like EFT it has some great success stories, especially in tackling emotional issues and physiological issues, but importantly its development was conceived as a health solution tool, and as such has some unbelievable testimonials.

I have posted a video as an introduction to Sedona, which you can watch here. Or you can find out more about Sedona by visiting The Sedona Method Website.

It may also be the case that these negative thoughts have something to do with some negative issues you have about yourself. I use some great tools to uncover these types of hidden negative beliefs in my Law of Attraction training program. If you would like some help to uncover these issues, Sign Up For My Free Mini-Course.

Hope these ideas are some help, and please, keep me posted…


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Dec 16, 2009
Thank you
by: Audrey

Thank you for pointing me to Sedona method, I've been reading and listening to some really good stuff all morning. I am feeling so much better already :)

I have tried EFT in the past and I know it works, but never seemed to find a way to use it while talking or interacting with someone who is not open to LOA or EFT. Sedona seems to provide guidance on dealing with the emotions within and not needing to tap on it (at the moment).

I will definitely be checking in with your site very regularly through this process. Thanks again.

Dec 17, 2009
Some More Information For You
by: John Peace

Hi Audrey, I'm glad you have found some helpful information.

I have been reading a book called Emmanuel's Book: A Manual for Living Comfortably in the Cosmos. I don't know if you are aware of Emmanuel?s work, if not it is along the lines of Abraham-Hicks.

Anyway, I came across a passage that made me think of you. It was written in reply to this question, 'Our marriage seems boring and stuck although we still love each other. What can we do?'

I know the question different, but Emmanuel's response, is quite relevant.

The first step is to acknowledge that. You are aware that not only have you slowed to a stop in your relationship, but there is still love. When that love is truly accepted you will find a way to unstuck yourselves.

Love is not something that can be talked about and then not honoured. Love is the deepest reality that exists in the universe. One does not casually say, 'Well the love is there,' and then continue the same old destructive patterns.

You must first place on the altar of your relationship the ember of your love. You will find the means to fan it into flame again by therapeutic methods, by prayer, by physical activities, by whatever is possible in your human world. But first the love.

Be very careful, my dears, when you say, 'Of course I love you.' Be sure you know what you mean for one sometimes says 'love?' as a defence or to hide from one's own unlovingness. Love can be spoken in order not to experience it.

Because love is the most powerful; force in the universe it is also the most frightening into it has been entered into completely. That generally happens just about at the finishing point of the final life.

Do not become enamored of the boredom. It is not as safe as you think it is.

I just thought that I would share that with you.

On the subject of The Sedona method. I tried it recently and I couldn't believe the results...

I don't know if they still offer a Free CD, but there is plenty of information at The Sedona Website

I say free, but they were charging about $6 Dollars P&P, slightly more if your outside the US.

Once again, thanks for getting back to me, it's great to get updates on questioned I've answered. Keep me posted if there are anymore developments.

Jan 18, 2010
Modified Question
by: Anonymous

Ok John, You had some really great input for me on my last question, so now I have an update on the situation and new question from slightly different perspective?

The update is that the relationship didn?t work. I know I was having a lot of resistance from old fears throughout the dating interaction with this latest experience, however I worked up the emotional scale as much as I could throughout the interaction with him.

My dominant negative thoughts were that I was going to say or do something that he wouldn't like and he would just disappear. In the end, he was sharing his thoughts/feelings as to where he stood with the relationship and I felt like I needed to end it before I became any more emotionally involved with someone who was not heading in the same direction spiritually as I am.

Now that I had time to deal with the loss/disappointment, I do feel like on a deeper level, he was not right for me.

My question for you now is; when we manifest someone new into our experience, does that person match old desires or current desires?

I am asking this because on the surface, he seemed to match everything I am looking for, but as I watched more closely as to how he interacts with others and deals with everyday situations, I saw a lot of my old self in his actions and words.

In my every day life, I have learned to be a lot more relaxed and not let every day occurrences affect my mood/vibration. However, interacting with this latest love interest seemed to really point out, or bring to my attention with a big shining light, as to how I no longer have those stresses and negativity in my life, and really don?t want it back.

One of my biggest desires that I am now looking for in a love/romantic relationship, is someone who is in the same place as I am emotionally and working toward the same direction as I am. Clearly this was not the case, so I'm thinking that my vibration is catching up with old desires???

Or perhaps I needed to go through this experience to clean up my relationship insecurities or more clearly define my desire.

I guess what I?m trying to ?figure out? here is when will I meet the person who fulfils the relationship desire and no longer need to go through this growth/hurt process.

Seems like I?m stuck in this loop of just not finding the right connection.

Since I started studying and working with deliberate creation, I definitely can see improvement with every man I date, however it seems like each interaction helps me shed more light on my own internal resistance and also add more specifics to my relationship desire. I know Abraham says, we didn?t come here to ?get it done?, but I really feel like I should be able to bring this right person for me, to me and be able to maintain a thriving healthy relationship.

I refuse to settle for less.

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