Life, The Law of Attraction, And New Beginnings
I am writing to you to first thank you for the Law of Attraction Unlock the Power In You WorkBook. I started the course with a lot of questions, worries and frustration with how my life has turned out especially in the last twenty years, with the particular low point being 2010.
I am on Lesson 19 of the WorkBook and loving it. I look forward to the morning and evening exercises and most certainly the daily reminders to think positive thoughts even when negativity creeps from all corners!
The second reason I am writing to you, (and I feel this is also part of the dissolving a huge barrier that has prevented me from manifesting abundance for nearly 30 years), is to share my story in the hope that you may use it or parts of it, so others will learn from it, and also to continue to seek your assistance in this journey I am making on visualizing abundance and making a total change in my life in a very positive way. I also feel encouraged to do so by the stories that you have posted in the Unlock The Power of You WorkBook.
I apologies for the longish story…
Today after reading and reading the morning lesson and that of yesterdays, I focused my attention on a key thing you have repeatedly said in the other chapters, and I quote…
“The Law of Attraction aligns to your reality, a match to your focused thoughts and feelings, and if your focused thoughts and feelings resemble the thoughts and feelings of what you desire, even if you do not have it, it must be manifested.”
In the advice in Lesson 19 you stated:
“This has been a gradual process, a process by which your husband offered a behavior, and as a result, you offered both thought and feeling, you made this ‘unwanted behavior’ a part of your vibration, which then gave your husband the choice, match the vibration you are offering with more unwanted behavior, or get out of the experience. I guessed he matched your vibration.”
For some reason the story in the lesson triggered something that I have refused to accept for the last 30 years and carried onto to my marriage, and has continued to grow bigger and bigger, and in a bumble bee effect collected so much negativity and frustrations that it has shaped my life, my career, my marriage etc. It took my seeking a reading from an astrologer to start thinking very deeply about an observation that she made, namely that something happened to me when I was about 17 or 18 years and it has continued to be the stumbling block to my achieving the success and happiness I so desired.
I met my husband in 1979 when we were high school students and he was my high school sweetheart. We were a regarded by many and up to now as the ideal couple and to be honest, the first love is always the deepest.
In 1979 he sat for his A levels and to us and especially me, I believed that he would pass with flying colors to make it to University and study for the course he desired, and begin to develop his career. I did not know of the LOA or the Secret but in my heart I felt he embodied the perfect man for me, he was and still is handsome, tall and was a star performer in studies and we seemed to be in sync about the future and our ambitions.
This was all perfect, until the A level results were released in 1980, and for the first time in his life he had flunked. This was a guy, who was the top performer through out his life and then here he was, a failure.
How did his failing impact on me?
As I was a year behind him, I became the laughing stock of the school and I remember vividly one boy telling me that I made him fail by diverting his attention to me rather than to his books. At the age of eighteen I felt this was a condemnation and I cried my heart out for days after, and I then made a Pact with myself to support him, not to every leave him just because he failed and most of all because, I believed that I did make him fail and so it was my responsibility, to never “show him up” as a failure.
Although he re-sat his exams, this incident completely changed and damaged his self-esteem and morale to be a top achiever.
To make matters worse, as a child he had broken his arm at the elbow and due to poor medical services in my country, the elbow was reset in a bad way, in such a way that he was never able to straighten his hand. He told me that because of that, he became a rebel since he was not able to play like other boys, he missed out on so many sports etc. He therefore did things to attract attention to him and one of these things was being a top performer in school, going out with the beautiful girls, etc. Just to prove to himself that he was better than the other boys. The failing of his A levels really set him back and I believe that this is where our problems began (though I will also share how I believe I contributed).
For me - my 1980 pact to always be there for him and never show him as a failure- led to a life where I endeavored to be the best in whatever I did, which unfortunately outshone him. But I know I did so with the intention to show that we could still be the admirable couple that people perceived us to be.
I had and still have an enviable career and he started off as a teacher and many friends of his would advise him to leave me, as we were not matched career wise. I did not care for what they said, (remember the 1980 pact) and I strove to support him as he changed careers and as we pursued further studies together.
But in it all he became a gambler - for so many reasons, but I feel that one is that he needed to prove himself that he had big bucks and could achieve anything, and this was a way of dealing with his past failures.
He was already a gambler before we married in 1989, and I did not know this. He carried into our marriage this desire to get the quick buck so as to assert himself, and to prove to the world that he can be successful etc. The effect of this has been devastating.. We had to sell a car and household stuff to clear a gambling debt, and as a result we suffered heavily in financing our postgraduate studies.
To make matters worse, as much as he tried and put all his efforts into his work, for no fault of his own he was not able to complete the first Masters program he pursued and his PhD program stalled, which made things even worse for him.
Although he completed his second masters, this was not enough and on return to full time employment where this time he earned more than me, he continued with the gambling and drinking and living the “good” life.
The fact that we did not have children for the first 13 years of our marriage did not help either.
To me this totally shattered all my dreams and I began to regret the marriage etc and as the LOA teaches us “we are what we think” and therefore the bad marriage became my reality.
He lost two jobs, which led to a further spiraling downwards towards self-destruction, and as much I stayed on for him, put on a positive face and showed the world that all was good and marriage was for better or for worse, this was not the case within myself, as I was hurting, frustrated, angry, disappointed etc and I continued to vibrate this towards him, and it would bounce back at me with greater force!.
The above is just a snapshot of what we were going through. Again back to my 1980 PACT, after he lost his last job, I made it a commitment to seek for positions via the Internet, send out applications for him etc until one day, a job came through and this is the job that he currently holds.
In many ways as much as I felt that I was doing him good, I may have done further damage to his self-esteem i.e. that he cannot look for a job for himself.
The latter holds more truth and I believe he has continued to feel second best as he continues to gamble away whatever he earns.
Again, I continued to paint the picture of a happy and admirable couple, with two kids, both of us earning very good incomes etc. In this case I became an Enabler to the gambling habits etc, as I wanted to cover up what was happening, as I refused to accept the reality and just to save face (simply put).
You may wonder about my contribution to all of this. My Pact of 1980 has continued to define who I am today, and my relationships, not only with him but also with others and with my career and friends. Because I did not want to accept his failure, I continued to vibrate thoughts of him being a failure. Hence, why I strove to be a top achiever, I am regarded as first amongst equals, I earn a very good salary and I mentor many young people who admire me. Due to my retaining “he is a failure thoughts”, I have contributed immensely to the experience that we both do not want. I am sure you can tell that the marriage is not a marriage, even if we are still together on paper.
The other aspect of my life that contributed to it all, is that my parents’ marriage was not a happy one, especially since after four years into the marriage my father became an alcoholic, leaving my mother to single handedly take care of us.
This image of my father who was not abusive and was just a loving man, with a drinking problem, is one that I vowed I did not want to be reflected in my marriage. I became paranoid about addictions and wanted to live the life that mother constantly told she had desired, but did not happen.
After reading about the LOA I have realized...To Continue Reading Click Here...