Understanding The Law of Attraction If He Loves Me - Will He Come Back

by Annealynne
(Willmington Deleware)

I was dating a married man for two years. We fell in love, when I met him he was sorting out what he wanted for his life. There were some flip flops, he told me he loved me - was going back in forth over coming to get me and fear of losing his family, and being the bad guy.

After the most recent flip flow, or should I say the most drastic, it came out, after I expressed my needs, that is was in no way in a position to think about upending his life because of everything going on - starting a new career, fear of leaving his family, life changes, etc; and basically, that he would be sad, but would understand if I needed to move on.

Then he kept tracking me down to ask if I was breaking up with him ... because obviously he was re-evaluating, but the email was very harsh. I wrote a nice one back, then he wrote back apologizing for being a jerk. That is loved being my boyfriend, and did not mean to break up with me, and would do anything short of upending his life.

I told him that he did break up with me, his email could not have been read another way. And, that I was scared too, but tried to be responsible for what comes out of my mouth. It's hard to take by harshness, we undoubtedly came out because he was scared - but it hurt me. So, I told him, in a nutshell, I would consider going to my therapist with him because I needed some clarity, and was involved in a situation I new little about ... basically, I would need his help to come to a healthy conclusion that would benefit both of us.

My intention was to have the therapist refer him to someone to see on his own - to sort out his own stuff without me. Anyway, it was just a consideration, but the only possibility I saw at the time. He was regretful, wanted to have things back to the way things were two weeks prior - laughing, loving, talking about interesting things, etc.

But, you can't go back - he already flip flopped too much for me; things need to move forward; and, it was my only way of getting beyond it. Anyway, he said he would go if I really wanted him to; would do anything short of upending his life, but anything to make me happy.

I saw this as a charade, to get back to the status quo where he could come and go as he pleased without taking responsibility for the direction of things. So, I simply wrote back "I would never want anyone to do that which they are unwilling to do. I accept that it's over (note, I never "broke up with him”); and I am sad."

He wrote back, "If that is what you want, I accept it to (making it as if I had a choice); and I am sad too; We made a perfect couple” And, that was it. He sent me one silly text the next day ending in I miss you, but I deleted it.

It is my feeling, that only with time apart, and not with me there letting him have his cake and eat it to, will he really have the time and space to re-evaluate things and figure out what he wants, and then be motivated to take proactive steps toward achieving those goals.

It is my feeling, that as long as he thinks I have accepted the status quo, there will be no need to change it, and this flip flop could go on for years. I thought the only possible way of saving anything, was for it not to get too messy toward the end, be kind, accept where he is, but at the same time respect myself and maintain my needs.

Both of our needs are at odds now; and, he knew from the very beginning I had no intention of dating him under these circumstances indefinitely. We both knew that, and that is how we got into it ... and, now I feel he is trying to change it into, I am not thinking about doing anything, we are wonderful together, why can't we just be like that, and why do I have to do anything?

I am heartbroken, but felt as if this were the only way to go. I feel as if I need to heal, and that if it was meant to be, in time, the time he spends without me, if he loves me, he will really be forced to thinking clearly and strongly about what he
wants .... and, if he wants me, he will come and get me the right way; I can't beg him to look at things now or make it my way; I have to respect him too, but I also have to respect myself.

Did I handle this in the best possible way?

He knows I love him, and feel has to respect me for standing up for myself while not trying to force his hand. This was not an ultimatum, I asked for what I needed and he told me he was in no place to consider it .... that was before things ended, and then his tune changed a little because he still wants me around.... but, by me not being around, that is the only way. I can't do anything now with him except be happy with the fact that none of my needs are being met while he goes off and lives another life. Painful.

So, if this man really loves me, with this time apart (actually we both think we are broken up now), cause some real changes to be made? If he re-evaluates things at this point, while I am away, is it possible if he loves me that he will come back and want to at least try to work through these issues and do things the right way. Right now, he gave me his bottom line: He is not leaving ... I told you he flip flops ... that could mean for now or never, but the only way, I thought, to find out, was to leave him alone without me to make any kind of personal growth.

We are both devastated, but I feel I must be strong and cannot contact him unless he comes back with something more to offer ... and not just this I am complacently going through the motions and not thinking about any of it .... I was kind and loving, and also we had wonderful and intimate times together, not just physical, but emotionally.

The whole thing is very sad. I feel like he let his fear override the beautiful relationship that was unfolding.

Law-of-Attraction-Guide Reply

I really don’t think that you could have handled this in any other way.

The important thing is to align to the best of what this relationship offered you, rather than the worst.

If you truly love this guy, then this love must be unconditional, as should any love. And as an unconditional love, your greatest wish for him is that he is happy. Whether that happiness is with you, or without you.

Any other love, a love that carries a condition of change, is not true love, and thoughts of anything less than true love, must result in the corresponding reality.

One of the most powerful expressions of self that you can make, is the expression of forgiveness, and in this expression you can find both the strength to let him go, as well as the power to recreate the conditions of your life you most truly desire.

Forgiveness is the biggest remedy for pain, as it releases the conditions that keep you recreating that painful experience.

Heal Your Unconscious Pain is a fantastic way of overcoming negativity, this book is written by Chris Dines, author of Power, Love and Abundance.

This e-book is going to show you how to heal yourself. Do not be fooled or judgemental by the simplicity and short content. These tools are Power!

You will need to be ready for the shift you are about to receive, though the shift will happen only when you take action. No action = no results.

So relax and take a deep breath. All is safe and you must be ready to heal because you have attracted this writing.

Click Here To Read Heal Your Unconscious Pain it is written in pdf, so you’ll need Adobe Reader to read it (you should have it on your PC).

It may be the case that he may come back to you, and be able to offer you an agreement of himself that suites the relationship that you most want to develop, but to be honest, you have no control over that.

I would be wary of hanging on to the thread of this working, as this will only serve to prolong the lack of what this relationship had, which can only result in an alignment of more, and similar experiences.

If you have any thoughts, or if anyone has any thoughts, please join in and add a comment below…



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Comments for Understanding The Law of Attraction If He Loves Me - Will He Come Back

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Feb 01, 2012
Keep your mind clear...
by: Anonymous

I'm in the same situation. Moving forward is this best you can do to keep your mind clear and live a good life. You left in peace... You will never be happy being the second women... And it's not fair to the wife and kids... He needs to want to leave because he is not happy... Not for another women.

Stay strong and stick with what you told him... It is the only and right move. Whatever happens is meant to be. A man heart can not be in two places... Nor should a women's.

It's almost two months for me and I broke all contact and did exactly what you did and not because I gave him a choice... I had to do what's good and right for me. Good luck!

Apr 11, 2012
Me too....
by: Anonymous

I am also in this same exact situation. However I am also married, but with plans to leave. The man I'm in love with also loves me, but apparently loves his life with the exception to his wife, more.

I personally don't see how anyone can live that way permanently but he thinks he can.

He hurt me deeply by telling me that he doesn't think he will ever divorce because of the impacts to relationships (mutual friends, in-laws, etc) that divorce will bring (and also the affect to the children - like the example of a marriage without love, affection, laughter, etc. is much better?).

So in essence, those relationships are more important than I was (I completely understand re the kids, but the other relationships are just excuses and very hurtful that they mean more than I did considering what we had and shared together). I too feel that the only way for him to see otherwise is to live that way without having me on the side.

Maybe he will realize he can't live that way...maybe he can, I don't know. I just know I had to have self-respect and not agree to just be a permanent side dish.

It's killing me and I'm always looking at my phone to see if I have an email or a text from him, still hoping in my mind that he'll realize he can't live without love and intimacy, not forever.

It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but like you, I don't know any other way without giving him everything he wants and having his cake and eating it too.

I have to believe if he really loved me, he'll be back. If he didn't...then I'm better off without him. I know that's true even though my heart screams otherwise right now.

Mar 03, 2014
Same for me
by: Anonymous

I am in the same situation as well. I am curious what happened after these last 2 comments were written. Did he come back? Did you move on? I hope you both have found peace and happiness!

Apr 02, 2014
Never get involved with a married man
by: Madeline

Listen, I don't want to be self righteous here and I have had WAY more than my share of failed relationships, pain, disappointments and my heart demolished to the point I didn't think I could super glue it back together!
BUT, one thing we should NEVER do is get involved with someone married. GADS! You are setting yourself up for failure, ladies. There are too many single men out there. Yes you have to kiss lots of frogs but he is out there.
Getting involved with married men probably means you have low self esteem and guess what? A married man's empty promises will give you LOWER self esteem. He will drive you right into the dirt. There's a saying: Married men NEVER leave their wives for the other woman. They are full of excuses as to WHY they just can't leave her, just like THIS MAN did! And if you DO land a married man (2% chance) what are you really getting? A sneaky, deceptive, lying cheat. A man who screws you, then crawls in bed with his wife and screws her. And, if you did manage to pull him away from the wife, flash forward 2 years, YOU will be the one at home 2 years later, waiting for him to come home from "working late", and he'll be screwing his secretary, some woman he met at Starbucks, whatever. If he cheats WITH YOU he'll cheat ON YOU...history repeats itself! I don't care WHAT his sob story is...it's B.S. He wants to have 2 ladies to romp in the bedroom with (maybe 3, 4, how do you know?!). What a great ego boost for him. You are giving up everything, your love, heart and soul while he gives up nothing but some time and sperm, leaving you alone and waiting...and waiting....and waiting.
Do not even start with married men. They flirt with me ALL THE TIME. I JUST SAY NO, PERIOD. Oh yeah, sign me up to be strung along, used and watch a man deceive his wife...using and betraying BOTH of us for his SELFISH gain. Creepy. What did his wife ever do to me? Blessings to all.

Apr 06, 2014
Thanks For The Contribution Madeline
by: John

Great comments, however I will take issue with some of the things you say.

It seems that you tar men, or should I say married men, with a certain brush, which is your right to do, and I'm guessing that you are speaking from an experience that you can relate to.

The trouble with choosing our thoughts based on experience is that we then create our experiences based on history, and as all creations come through thought, and history was created by someone elses thought, we only then create our experiences on the basis of an-others way thinking.

Experience follows thought, and by banging a drum of what is wrong, however we feel it is justified, will only lead us to continue to experience what is wrong.

To be honest, whether it is write or wrong to pursue a married man is not really the question, that happened 2 years ago, so that advice is a bit late. Far better to start from where you are, after all, that is where you are and is the perfect place to start.

With Gratitude
John Peace

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